I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
