Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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