He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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