He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
