and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
