One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
