Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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