Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
