You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
