RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
