i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
pray to the hookup gods
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
