I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
