I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
