So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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