Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
