Dude my mom stole all your condoms
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
