is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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