my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
