our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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