i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
