Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
did i just pee glitter
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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