Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
