so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We don't watch enough power rangers
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
