Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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