im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
