I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
