Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
