Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize