The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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