Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
