I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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