So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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