Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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