my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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