so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
