You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
