? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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