Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
