I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
