How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
