I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
pray to the hookup gods
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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