She is in my trunk
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
