Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
