How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
