i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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