I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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