This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
