Kareoke will never be a sober sport
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
