M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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