He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
