Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
