yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
