i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
