i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
