I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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