I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just cut my nipple shaving
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
