no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
