Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
