I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
