I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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