I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
