Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
