we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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