My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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