i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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