my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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