I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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