it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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