My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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