The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
