great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize