Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
