best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
